A "Zen" like moment today

After having a fairly good run this morning (6:15 AM) but still not feeling 100% mentally, I went against my better judgement and decided to go out for a "Me" run around 11:30 AM.
I've used these type of runs in the past whenever I needed to snap myself out of a funk which is something that I was definately in ever since last Friday.
I didn't want to go too far so I picked my usual 8K route that I do my speed runs on. The plan was to go nice and easy and just think about my marathon. I also wanted to rediscover the joy that seemed to have been missing since last week. Why have I been having self doubt lately? Was there something that I had done differently that has caused this?
I called one of my best friends who I have missed running with to see if she wanted to come with me today. Unfortunately she couldn't run but this actually turned out to be a blessing in disguise. I think that I needed to find the answers by myself this time. I have an amazing group of friends who provide me support anytime I need it but sometimes I need to look within myself instead of relying on others to find the answers for me.
I knew that I only had a few runs left to try and figure this out and with the weather being so nice today I hoped to find some of the answers today.
I left the house wearing only a shirt sleeve shirt and shorts. This is what I plan on wearing on the day of my marathon and I wanted to duplicate that today.
I had my music on, as usual and I started out rather slowly. As I ran, I could feel the warmth of the sun immediately and I began to smile as I started out. I must have passed over a dozen children as they headed to school and they all stopped to watch me run by them. I focused on my form and barely looked at my Garmin to see how fast I was going.
One of the things that I have been most concerned with has been questioning my speed. I have set my goals pretty high and I don't want to let myself down. Until recently I had no doubt that I could run fast but not having competed in a race since March, has left me wondering if I can sustain my speed for a full marathon (26.2 miles/42.2 Kilometres).
I have knocked off between 6-7 minutes in the two races that I've done since I started my marathon training in January (1/2 Marathon in February and 30K in March). I've noticed that the running has become a little easier for me but I also remember how grueling the marathon is.
When I did my first marathon a year ago the goal was simply to finish. This year my goals have changed and I find myself trying to run faster and faster each time.
My run today was meant to bring me back to WHY I run in the first place. I often talk about how running is my "passion" and how I never want to lose that feeling. As much as I have enjoyed the marathon training, I haven't been able to run some of the races that I usually run or run with the people who I love to run with.
As I began the homestretch of my run today, I glanced at my Garmin and noticed that I was doing a 4:30 to 4:45 pace. It felt like I was running about a 5:30 to 5:45 pace as it was effortless.
I took two things away from my run today. The first was that I was capable of running fast and more importantly I shouldn't WORRY about running fast. I also realized that I should just enjoy the run and the rest will follow.
The more I ran , the better I felt about not only my training and how far I had come, but also how important it is to just relax and have fun.
I needed this run to put my mind at ease and now I can enjoy these last few weeks more. I'm so happy that I made the decision to run again this afternoon.