Fear

Just that word alone brings up different memories for different people. Maybe it's something that you are afraid of or maybe it's something that terrifies you because you've never done it before. It could be an object or animal. It could be an upcoming event. Fear can do so much to ruin the psyche of so many people that you have to wonder how we accomplish the things that we do.

In my case, I try to use fear to motivate me. Each day, when I think about the Haliburton 100 Mile race, I ask myself whether I can do this or not. I am fearful of lots of things when it comes to that race but mostly I'm afraid of not finishing. It has more to do with how I feel about myself than how others perceive me. Weeks after the race, whether I complete it or not, people will go on with their daily lives. Meanwhile, I'll be the one who has to live with the memories. It's a long off season and that means lots of time to think.

There are other times, though, when I envision myself crossing that finish line and how amazing it will be. Obviously I try to think more positively than negatively. Taking on a task of this magnitude is something that not too many people are willing to attempt. I can feel proud that I am attempting another one this year. That won't be enough to satisfy me, though, as I am driven to complete my first 100 miler.

My run today was a tough one. My calves were really tight and after the first mile I wondered if I was going to be able to run much further. I did so much running and walking in the trails on the weekend and my calves really took a pounding. Thankfully I was able to block out the pain long enough to complete my 11 mile run. The cumulative effect of all the miles I've run since April (760 miles, 135 hours) are starting to have an impact on my body. My ultra friends have told me that by the time the season is over, I won't have much left in the tank. I guess I'm about to find out if that's true or not.